Learning to set boundaries instead of adding more protection

How to deal better with criticism.

The ability to accept criticism is highly valued, especially in professional life, and it seems that some people find it much easier to accept criticism than others. Well-intentioned advice like "Don't take it personally" or "Develop a thicker skin" is of little help to those who struggle with it, and many of them tend not to show that they actually feel hurt. How exactly can one learn to stand up for oneself and view criticism from a healthy distance?

Why criticism can hurt

Although highly developed, our brain still reacts in a very archaic way: In a first step, information from the outside world is categorized as 'dangerous' and 'safe'. As soon as the system suspects a danger, it reacts with fight, flight, or freeze, long before the rational mind can kick in. Although being criticized doesn't pose a danger, we react defensively by justifying ourselves or even launching a counterattack, with submission by apologizing, or with flight by withdrawing from the situation or even the person to avoid a similar experience in the future. Where this isn't possible, we energetically retreat into ourselves in an attempt to protect ourselves in this way. The experience can leave deep traces in our system and make us react more fearfully in similar situations in the future, or even restrict our ability to act.

The attempt to protect oneself

Being criticized, especially when triggered by intense negative past experiences, can trigger strong feelings of insecurity, sadness, guilt, and shame. By suppressing and repressing these feelings, they remain within one's system, where they create blockages. Many people unconsciously build thick energetic walls to protect themselves from these unpleasant feelings and similar situations.

The disadvantage of protecting oneself

These so-called heart walls not only protect us from criticism, they also influence our entire contact with the outside world and thus distance us from it. Because whenever we are in contact with someone or something, there is a natural exchange of information between energy fields. If this is blocked by a heart wall, we perceive others less, and they perceive us less. The other person may then perceive us as more distant or even arrogant, and misunderstandings occur more frequently, since a large part of all communication takes place on the relational level.

Define boundaries instead of protecting

Setting boundaries means being strong within yourself and being able to accept criticism without feeling bad or doubting yourself. Those who are at peace with themselves don't feel personally attacked. In contrast to a rigid protective shell, setting boundaries energetically creates a light, elastic, and permeable protective layer through which the environment is fully perceived, but which filters and only lets in what is meant and intended. We remain connected and yet safe.

Setting boundaries is a skill that can be learned!

Learning to set boundaries strengthens one's inner strength and energetic grounding, allowing one to appear strong and self-confident to others, but not dominant. This energetic attitude also leads to greater success and less criticism, because we attract what we project: those who fear criticism attract more criticism. Those who radiate self-confidence achieve more.

Consciously engaging with one's own feelings also allows blockages to be released and emotional walls to be broken down. The freer flow of energy makes us more capable of action, more present, and more flexible.

By turning inward, working on and with ourselves, and standing up for ourselves, self-acceptance and self-love can grow, which strengthens our self-confidence and makes us appear more self-assured.

Get support!

While you must walk your own path in life, benefiting from the knowledge and experience of others and exchanging ideas with them is often inspiring, enriching, and frequently a great support. Perhaps you would like to do this in one or more individual sessions, or perhaps you feel attacked or are struggling with your inner demons. In that case, perhaps my workshop day Path to Light – How to Tame Your Demons would be something for you?

I would be happy to advise you!